The desk in my home office isn’t much of a desk; but then, my home office isn’t really much of an office. Two years ago, when I took a leap of faith into the goofy, madcap world of self-employment, I needed, first and foremost, a bit of space in which to self employ.   I interviewed the various rooms in my very small house, and only one seemed up to the challenge. Kitchen, living room, bathroom, closet .. hello!  Guest room. I had never stuffed my worst enemy in there, let alone a living, breathing guest.  According to bits and pieces of evidence, this room began life as a service porch of …

Writing a book is like building a house, except you’re not just the architect, but also the carpenter, plumber, electrician;  you’re the neighbor from across the street who criticizes every plank and shingle, and the county inspector who agrees with the neighbor. To soldier on takes talent, time, and guts. This Saturday, writers and readers will gather at Pasadena's Central Park for the first-ever LitFest Pasadena. There will be panel discussions with well-known authors, and a chance to network, talk books, plots, characters, and enjoy some sunshine and gourmet food. The question I’m going to…

Of course I remember 1992. If for no other reason (and there are many other reasons) than I saw two men, the same two men, beaten day after day on the small screen. Television loves the news because it’s the cheapest form of programming. All they have to do is wait for something really bad to happen, then show the same footage over and over, for decades even, if it’s compelling enough. The stars of the film receive no residuals. I didn’t know much about South Central L.A. back in 1992. Just a little bit more than some folks who were still referring to it as “The Inner City.” But by the first …

Lizards don’t have big brown eyes, perky ears, or a button nose. They lack the fur and facial hair necessary to hide a multitude of pimply and scaly sins. To call them homely would be a compliment. Their appearance is wizened, scarred, and Jurassic from the moment they’re hatched.   But lizards may be doing something rather beautiful these days --  no, I know it’s spring, but I’m not thinking what you’re thinking.  I mean beautiful in regards  to mankind – but more on that later. Lizards first crawled upon this earth about 300 million years ago, which puts their arrival somewhere between …

Murder is easy--fictionally speaking, and a pretty nifty dramatic device. When a writer or movie director adds a corpse and a detective to a roomful of pretty people, we’ll get suspense for sure, romance perhaps, and certainly an hour or two of entertainment Which is ironic. Because in real life, there’s no entertainment value in murder, though local TV news remains unconvinced of that fact. Murder is nothing but misery and waste. The boy or man found dead and lighted on fire in Altadena Sunday morning didn’t find fame in his lifetime. But he’s famous now, for a few days, anyway. It’s a pity …

I gave a friend a piece of advice recently, and she circled back later to thank me. Something I said – I think it had to do with fences and good neighbors, or maybe fences and good dogs -- led to a positive outcome. Which was a shocker, not because it worked, but because so few people ever take my advice. Then again, I rarely take theirs.  We humans constantly dispense and receive advice; it’s almost as natural as breathing. I suspect that’s because advice isn’t only potentially useful, it’s also cheap, easy, and takes very little effort.  In the realm of helping our fellow man, offering …

Every March I sort through my prior year’s financial history, add the profits and subtract the losses, enter the numbers in a booklet provided by my tax accountant, place all the corroborating evidence in plastic folders, and clip the folders to the appropriate pages.  “Oh, the rest of my clients could take lessons,” my accountant gushes. “This is beautifully organized.” But for all my hard work, the only thing I seem to get back is gratitude. When it comes to the income tax returns themselves, we don’t, by mutual agreement, cheat, fudge, or even snicker. As for his fee, I don’t think my …

People seem more ecologically responsible these days. For example, this year I didn’t notice any automatic sprinklers going off in the rain. Then again, I didn’t notice any rain. We have a long dry year ahead of us, and that can make for all sorts of unpleasantness. Worst will be the fire danger, probably stretching from early summer into autumn. I expect we’ll be put on a strict water-diet and rates will rise. If there is rationing, I hope it’s on the honor system, and things won’t get weird like they did in our city to the South. When Pasadena rationed water a couple of years ago, they …

You would think I’d know better, but you’d be wrong. You would think I’d know better because I read about shattered car windows and stolen laptops every week, right here on Altadena Patch. In fact, I posted some of those reports to this very site just last month. A few days ago, I left a laptop in the backseat of my car and in the morning there was no back window and no laptop. Which was only briefly shocking. In retrospect, it was an entirely logical outcome. The thieves knew precisely what they wanted – the evidence weighs against impulse shopping and recreational vandalism.  Only one …

Let me preface this by saying, “Albert” is my dog’s first name; his full name is Albert Dammit. He’s a good natured, but slow-witted chap of the Labrador persuasion. If you were to crack open the Albert brain, you’d find the words "Tennis Ball" stamped in the Northern Hemisphere and "Kibble" in the Southern Hemisphere, with a small lobe in between reminding him to breathe and swallow. There’s certainly nothing in that noggin configured to hear, capture, and interpret my verbal commands. So “Heel, Albert,” “Stay, Albert,” and “Get down, Albert, Dammit!” are all met with the same blank, tongue-…

My mom always washed her hair before visiting the hairdresser, even though Monsieur Jacques of Dayton would be washing that same hair a couple of hours later. It was just a little act of courtesy, I guess. Before I call the plumber, I scrub every inch of the bathroom, even though I’ll have to clean again when he’s finished.  Seems the least I can do–to get everything tidy and smelling sweet, considering the job that lies before him. Plumbers are frontline heroes in my book, willing to go the extra mile most of us fear to tread. I don’t know if you’ve put our county's Consolidated Sewer …

Some people are just plain fascinating. Maybe they have just the right blend of the unusual --derring-do tempered by native intelligence and strength of character.  And adventures, lots of adventures. They’re the kind of people who leave their mark on the world -- sometimes big, sometimes small, but somehow significant. They're also, incidentally, great conversationalists and everyone wants to sit next to them at dinner parties. Take Bonny Schumaker. She’d be interesting even if she weren’t the president of an animal rescue organization.  Or someone who spends time in Antarctica saving whales…

I’ve never been a fan of long stemmed roses, Hallmark cards, Pepto-Bismol pink, or institutionalized sentimentality.   And this has proved to be a problem in more than one relationship. The men I’ve known have always been gooey marshmallows when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Oh, well, opposites attract. I believe in love, indeed I do, but mandated romance and gaudy displays of affection embarrass me. One boyfriend used to have funeral-sized flower arrangements delivered to my desk at work. What innocent bystander did he think this would impress–Steve in Human Resources, Cathy in Accounting? I …

Winter and I, we have a deal.  For three months of the year, I can sock away all the brownies, French bread and butter my little heart desires. And oxtail stew, biscuits and gravy.  Hazelnut chocolate, cream soups, peanuts, almonds, lasagna, and cheese of all colors from all countries.  Why? Because when it’s winter -- cold and rainy – a trench coat or that woolen muumuu I call a sweater can hide a multitude of calories. Who’s to know that under all the fabric -- coats and sweaters and scarves -- there’s suddenly so much more of me to love.  As for the zipper on my jeans -- who’s to know what…

What do I find scary in Altadena?  Fast traffic on dark roads, power lines in a windstorm, the cello-packed seafood at Ralph’s.  Hot dry days when the mountains are full of brown and brittle brush -- yes, fire scares me. But I’m not afraid of people; neighbors or strangers with whom I share the streets, parks, shops, gas stations.  Whatever personal safety questions cross my mind, owning a gun, much less carrying a gun, doesn’t offer much of an answer. I suppose I could shoot the Ralph’s salmon, but for heaven’s sakes, it’s been dead far too long already. Anthony Portantino has introduced a …

There’s a ridiculous amount of real estate separating Altadena from our county-assigned animal shelter to the east.  And that’s only one reason why, when we pick up a lost or abandoned animal, some of us choose another route. We drive south, to Pasadena. And then we tell a lie. I don’t know if telling the Pasadena Humane Society we found an animal south of our border (when in fact we didn't) is morally justifiable, but then I don’t think conditions at most of the County Shelters are morally justifiable, either.  I suppose this is what one would call a moral dilemma. Once we get our township …

They're enthusiastic, intelligent, and socially evolved. They’re also loud, messy, and opportunistic. They’re crows. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been seeing more and more crows around Altadena over the past couple of years. Some mornings my camphor tree plays host to 50 crows -- that is, if they can win the daily battle against the parrots for squatting rights. The parrots can out scream them, but my money is usually on the crows. They seem better organized and more patient. One particularly successful tactic is the stealth attack, which startles the parrots into a state of orgiastic …

Recently, a reader took exception to one of my Patch columns. Oh, why be so modest--she takes exception to almost everything I write, but prefers to send her comments to me, personally and offline. “Shut up already," she wrote. “Enough complaining about Altadena. I like the town, just the way it is.” Really?  Well, what about the new second-hand store? “I found a dress.” Rite-Aid? “I get a discount.” Store-front churches? "What's wrong with religion? The thing is, Karin, I moved to Altadena because it is Altadena. It’s funky, and not an imitation of any other place. You don’t want us to be,” …

Apparently we may see a few changes at the northwest corner of Altadena Drive and Lake. A very few changes. If you access the property owner’s remodeling plans for these two or three blighted acres – also known as the Rite Aid slum -- it might come as a surprise to find that, though no work has started, the project is scheduled for 2011. The clock, as they say, is ticking. Surprised, that is, until you see the actual scope of the redesign. I figure the construction crew could start and finish the project on New Year’s Eve and still have time to shave, shower, and hit an afternoon party. …

Most people who collect recipes have a particular goal in mind--namely, cooking. Not me; I’m what you might call a purist. I collect recipes just for the vicarious pleasure of following along--imagining a house filled with savory deliciousness.  If the recipe has pictures, so much the better. I don’t carry the cooking gene--the baking, boiling, broiling, frying and grilling gene--just the reading gene. Apparently the cooking gene skips a generation, because my mother was a master chef.  And I have some of my mom’s recipes, most of which came from the old country, some recorded in an ancient …